My "easier" child vs. my "challenging" child

**The title of this post irks me just a tad because in no way do I feel cool comparing my babes, and feel even less cool about blanket-statementing either one of them as "easier" or "challenging." They're obviously both more relaxed or harder in separate sectors, but when Chad and I think of the two of them, we identify Carter as our good-natured, mellow dude with a great attitude and Dakota as our tornado, holy-cow, where-did-you-come-from child with will power to spare. Just two completely different personalities!

You know the phrase, "the squeaky wheel gets the most grease?" I saw that written once in my mom-to-mom Facebook group in regards to the stronger willed child in someone's family. She was asking for help on how to manage her "crazier" child alongside her mellow little one. I immediately identified with her - there have been several times where I've felt terrible about how much attention Dakota requires. I'm very thankful that it seems that Carter is perfectly content during times of "Kota mania," but still. Is he really content? Or is he just really good at having a content-looking face because he doesn't want to upset mommy or daddy? Just because Carter does not require full-on yell fests to try to convince him that "nap time is a great idea!," doesn't mean that all is well. I feel like he will internalize his feelings throughout his years, where Dakota will scream them out throughout her life.

I find that I think about Carter's well-being about 1,000 times more than I do Dakota's. I feel like even though in school Carter may be the one who will find focus easier to accomplish, will make friends very easily and doesn't seem to be phased by much, he will be the one I will need to monitor more closely. Say, for instance, he has a bad day. I couldn't see him coming home visibly upset, a situation which would obviously prompt me to prod him into telling mom what's going on. I could see him not wanting to talk about it because he might think that would send up a red flag or something, causing us to worry. I don't know, this is clearly just speculation - I could be completely wrong! But I just think he will internalize (I already know he does this), so I do need to check in on him very regularly.

I also don't want him slipping into a people-pleasing way of being due to the way we react to him and his chill ways. I think it's all good and well to be able to get along with several different personalities easily (something Carter is good at), but I know from witnessing family history that "people pleasing syndrome" is actually an individual's personal hell. It's incredibly hard to break out of and it's painful for everyone around them because you just want that person to know that IT'S OKAY TO BE YOU! WE LOVE YOU - THE REAL YOU! I never want Carter's relaxed personality to be mistaken by Chad and I as a boy / eventual teenager who has no problems or deep thoughts. The less a person is asked about deeper issues going on with them, the harder it is for that person to talk about those issues, sending that person into a forever compliant-as-can-be facade. It will eventually crack due to a build up and I just don't want that to happen. I want him to know that, "hey! We appreciate your awesome ways, but also want you to know that we're here to listen, so bring it on! We can handle it and we encourage your voice!" I don't want him to ever think that because we view him as easy going now, that that means he can never be anything other than that - like if he breaks away from being easy going then that means he's a disappointment.

Okay I have absolutely no idea if what I'm thinking in terms of people pleasing is coming across clearly. I guess this is a good way to say it: I don't want us projecting some "you're easy going" vibe onto him, which would subconsciously force him to stay easy going and never rock the boat, turning him into a people-pleaser which would ultimately result in a personal prison of torture because he would never feel like he could express himself.

Maybe I'm reaching too gosh darn far down into this! It's speculation, after all! Here's the thing, both kids are freakin' awesome, I just know that Dakota will let us know when something's going on in her life (because how could she not? Subtlety is not in her make up!), and Carter will take some investigating! There - that's the basis of what this post means!

LOVE THOSE LITTLE MUNCHKINS WHO CHALLENGE ME IN WAYS I NEVER KNEW POSSIBLE! Whew!

Life update

* An hour ago we got back from picking up Carter's KINDERGARTEN REGISTRATION PACKET! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?! Yes. The fact that my beyond amazing, chill-as-can-be first born will be leaving us 5 days per week blows my mind. After this year of craziness, though, in which we switched TK's mid school year and I was heard complaining many a'time about how far away we live from everything we hold near and dear, I'm actually very ready for a stable, 5 day per week deal to happen. It will still be insane, but after trying to nurse my "I feel so guilty for ripping you out of school then throwing you into a new, very academically intense new school" sensations, this will be great. God works in mysterious ways!

* Dakota has transferred her sass-a-frass-around-the-house ways to a sass-a-frass-"I-go-to-dance-now-so-bow-down-to-me" character. She now has this sassy little kissy face she does at all times while doing a jazz walk from room to room. She is a gosh darn riot. The other day, while standing in the middle of her insanely messy room with out-stretched arms, she said to me, "Mom, this is your problem." What?! Where did she even learn that???! She is too much, that little 3 year old :)

* Carter has rejoined what is seeming to be his first love of life: skate school! We call it "hockey," and I have to say, he is gosh darn great at it! After an 8 month break from the first session we enrolled him in down in Aliso Viejo, I was nervous that all of the hype we had been putting out there about "BACK TO HOCKEY!" would turn out to be a disappointment. Maybe he wouldn't remember all of the progress he had made? Maybe he would totally face plant and be like, "ummm this is stupid." But you know what?! That child really does look at home on the ice. He's great at it! He kept yelling from the middle of the rink, "MOM! DAD! I WANT TO PLAY WITH THOSE GUYS," while pointing over to these very obviously older dudes who were sprinting in full hockey gear then slamming into the walls. We gave him a thumbs up and hatched a plan on how to get our 5 year old to be the best guy in the class so he'll be bumped up to play with 8 year olds. WE ARE PSYCHOS!

* Gosh freakin' dangit, this last weekend Chad and I ridded ourselves of anything that was hand-me-down or purchased from Craigslist that we loathed. Our garage is piled high with hideous clutter that I just posted to Craigslist for very low prices. I don't even care! Take it all, Inland Empire! We made a decision that we are OFFICIALLY DONE taking on crap that does not appeal to us in the interest of saving a buck or two. While we were at it, we drove on down to Living Spaces and got ourselves a legit couch for the family room. Next a rug will be put down and, since we sold our green ottoman thing, a coffee table and a cool canvas or something for the back wall. We will NOT be held captive to ugly crap! The only thing we kept that we don't absolutely LOVE or that doesn't hold some emotional value (Kota's dresser is some sort of family heir loom), was a dresser that we have in our room. It's far from something we would have chosen ourselves, but hey! It's not HORRID and it has taken care of the previous HORRID armoire. Also, our computer now sits on top of it so it's knocked two birds out with one stone. Our bedroom now feels bigger, especially after chucking the (mom-to-mom sale site purchased) bed frame. We also moved our table around and wouldn't you know it, the house feels SO MUCH BETTER. There are some not-so-awesome pictures above of our newest addition, neither of which does the family room's new situation justice. Ahh, peace of mind!

27!

27 it is, 27 it is! Holy heck, being closer to 30 is an actual feeling now - like I'm actually experiencing a sensation of "time sure is marching on." Instead of feeling how I thought I would feel edging towards the end of the glorious 20's (decrepit), I actual feel somewhat curated! Like life is getting sweeter, more meaningful and just FULL in general as Chad and I have moved from (drunken) late teenagers into the early twenties, parenthood, mid-twenties and into these exciting years of raising actual kids instead of babies and toddlers. Almost like we're editing our lives down from "give us all your hand-me-down furniture and while you're at it, your life experience" to "let's take life slow and really let go. God's got this!" It's a bevvy of new sensations, I tell you! This year's birthday feels heavier than all the past ones, but in a good way. I don't know if that makes any sense, but hey! 

Anyhoo, per the usual birthday obligations, I'm sitting here with a nice little Starbucks and enjoying quiet time. Carter, being the big humongous 5 year old that he is, is playing video games. VIDEO GAMES! I remember turning 22 and him being an exact 1 month old on this day. I remember being very excited for a date night out with Chad later that night, but semi agitated because the first time we left Carter (1 week earlier), had resulted in anxiety all through dinner and the longest movie of all time (Avatar!). That night was a blast, celebrating the ole' 22. How young we were! What a blast we were having! Geeze louise, God works some serious miracles - the grace he handed down to us during those years are not lost on me now that I have had some significant time in between. Ahh, the gift of hindsight!

I woke up today squished between Kota and Carter, the three of us pretty much pushing Chad off the bed - the best type of wake-up. I couldn't believe it was my birthday! I felt a weird sort of freaked-outness because it's my first bday far away from my family and good friends - maybe that's why today felt a tad bit heavier than usual? Anyway, after realizing (happily) that we were out of coffee therefore we HAD to go to Starbucks and doughnuts, driving around town lifted my semi-funky spirits. 75% of me was in this great mood because it's my birthday, but then 25% of me felt funny. After cruising around the sunny town, I felt better. Way blessed to get to be here with my favorite little peeps while we talked about Daddy getting home so Carter can "SHOW YOU YOUR BIRTHDAY SURPRISE, MOMMY!"

Okay, I feel like this has got to be my most depressing birthday post of all time! I'm not trying to be a downer, I guess I'm just feeling "deeper" this year, which is a good thing, right? It IS a good thing, I've decided. I'm stoked about it! But after rereading above paragraphs I kind of want to go crack myself open a beer or something to get the party started in my own mind! That's not going to happen (until children are in bed), but it's like I want a "deep thinking" breakout! 

So in honor of birthday awesomeness, here are a few of my favorite things from 26!

- Buying the house

- Leaving cramped living

- Chilling out about baby #3.... Realizing partying it up with 2 babies is a gosh darn fun time! Why worry about another one at the moment?

- The homemade tamales we had on New Years Eve. LIFE CHANGING. They needed a shoutout.

- Chad becoming a serious health officianado!

- Becoming obsessed with wine

- Meeting neighbors who I don't feel are transient beings! Benefits to home ownership!

- Celebrating 5 years of wedded bliss with Chadly

- Gifting our parents an awesome Vatican tour with my sister and brother! When they opened it on Christmas they almost cried and so did all of us! It was one of the best things of all time!

- Really digging our old car. That thing is a beast! I mean, there's nothing like a new set of wheels, but when you are emotionally wrapped up into how well your car functions (is this thing going to get me all the way to Mission Viejo?), you really appreciate it! Hahahaha

- Last summer. I'm a tad bit sad because nothing beats Ladera Ranch in terms of summer, and clearly that won't be how our next season will be, but I'm thankful to have had that amazing time last year. We hit the pools from April - September! It was amazing and so stress free - thank you splash pads and 2' pools!

- Getting on the same page with Chad decor wise! I know this sounds so lame, but this was actually a very stressful part of our lives together (hahaha - we are ridiculous). He actually cares a whole lot about how the house feels and everything surrounding that thought (is it clean? Is there enough light in this room? Is this functional? Do I like how this looks?). It used to drive me nuts because I, honest to goodness, always thought he wanted our marital habitats to be "fraternity house 2.0." I had ZERO faith in him, but also considered my own decor sub par. I've chilled out in the last few weeks and hey! I actually like the way the guy thinks! PALM SLAP TO THE FOREHEAD.

Okay, that felt great!!!! Now I'm going to go play 15 minutes of video games with Carter (he looks forward to this time together every day! It used to bug me... "I'm not going to sit here and play video games," is always what I thought in my head, but begrudgingly would still do it because he would get so down about it. But now I think it's a cute way for him to communicate with Chad and I). Anyway, cheers to 27!!!!!

 

Who are we?

Dagnabbit, we are completely different human beings nowadays! What's been going on up in here? Extreme contentment, adventures in grass-growing and weed pulling, "can we play in the street, mom?," Chad being okay with switching a ton of furniture around without the "really? We're really switching things around again?" questions?! WHO ARE WE? It's been freakin' awesome. Here's what we've been up to with these two babes and life in the IE:

1. We now have real green grass in the backyard and the court yard. Greenery has yet to be seen outside of the front yard's little fenced in area, but hey! 2 out of 3 green spots is fine by me!

2. We pulled our beautiful, HUMONGO dining room table from it's first home: the room we originally wanted to change from a living room into a dining room. It was just too BIG! If you were one of the people eating closest to the wall, you were trapped. There was noooo getting out for you. Also, I wanted to have a separate space to hang with friends when they came over. A place other than the family room where our two wild animals run rampant, and I wanted to use that square footage more effectively than we had been. Lastly, I actually wanted to USE the table we had built, not just stare at it and think of how we needed to add chairs to her massiveness.

3. I did said changing around while Chad was at work! I was actually so nervous for him to come home. Here's what I did: got rid of the black round kitchen table, dragged the dining room table to it's spot, leaving the original "dining room" empty. Then I rolled up the massive rug that sat underneath the family room and pushed it into the now empty dining room where I unfolded it. It's now a big shaggy rugged room. This left the family room with just the pushed over couch (the massive dining room table takes up a big chunk of space) and the ottoman. It looks pretty bare in there without a rug but hey! That will come next week I think. I felt so bad making the dining room decision without Chad! I apologized a ton of times and he was like, "Babe freakin' chill. Holy crap it's just furniture." Okaaaaaaaay there, man who has a very strong opinion on house decor!

Now we're going to pick up new couches for the family room this Saturday and move the original sectional into the new living room. That way we'll be utilizing every inch of square footage possible and we'll have an area to hang in while having friends over! I guess we ARE living room people!

4. I hate to be negative about my Kota Koo, but gosh dangit that child has had more accidents over the past week than I think both of them have had in the past 5 years combined. It started off when she was very sick - I don't think she even knew what she was doing. But it's now unfolded into AT LEAST one every night with a possibility of one during nap time. And that is nothing compared to the height of the accidents. Last Friday (her worst sick day), there was literally 6 clean ups. By the end of the day I was almost crying. Poor babe and poor us! Now she sleeps in our bed from about midnight on because her bed "smells bad." It's Kota in the middle, me right next to her then Chad, all squished. The entire right side of the bed is free and clear! It's insane!

5. Carter is a completely new person now, too. Right after he turned 5, I realized that his "good boy" foundation was pretty strong. Chad and I now kind of let him do whatever he wants because "what he wants" is so positive and obedient, there's no reason not to! I want him to feel confident doing what he wants to do, not just hoping we don't get mad at him for voicing his opinion. In an attempt to "train" him, I got scared we were negatively forming a personality that was not his true, authentic self. So that's been cool! Hip hip hooray for my big dude!

Wooohooooo for life! Goooooooo IE!

**Pictures are from our Oak Glen trip in 2013! Hey-o dark hair that I absolutely hated! Funny now, not funny then. Hahahaha

Projects I want done in 2015

I really need to write these thoughts down somewhere. So far the ole' blog has been a great "hey, we're actually doing the projected goals I wrote down on my blog" source sooooo here I go:

(HORRIBLE quality pictures of everything - a disclaimer.When it's a rainy day and the kids are asleep, one does  not worry about how hideous flash photography can sometimes be. I'm also not trying to hate on our space, I really do love everything in here! These pictures make it all look worse than it really is. But hey, what can a gal do? You've gotsto make things your own!)

1. Re-doing the long entry way dresser thing. EEK. Modernization needs to happen to this solid ole' hand-me-down. 

2. Figuring out a more ideal place for this here computer. At first I wanted it in the garage because there literally was no place for it in these here 1350 square feet, but then realized I was freezing my butt off while trying to upload pictures. It now sits in our bedroom...

3. Re-doing a piece of furniture to hide or pretty-up the computer. Maybe put it in the closet? Pinterest gods be with me!

 ^^^Will this be it? (Another solid wood hand-me-down with potential.)

4. Get a new rug for the living room. My "light and bright" vision is sort of annoying me now with the existing "light and bright" tile floors. Oh yeah, and the massive white fluffy rug Chad and I were obsessed with from our bachelor friend's townhouse looks slightly more mouse-colored in our kid-home. 

5. Get our beautiful Craigslist-found ottoman reupholstered in the family room. (Even though for reasons unbeknownst to me I find the dragon fly and lime green a little character-y? It's not going to stay this way but...) ^^^

6. Figure out the entire dining room space. Chairs are needed. I'm not a huge fan of my wall set up anymore - too busy (and it contains a Parisian canvas thing so everybody thinks I poorly executed a Paris themed room - hahaha). Do I do a rug in there? With all of the neutrals going on, I want some pop-y.

7. Re-doing the enclave thing in the hallway. I like the tall mirror I put up there but have predictably tired of the weird, "I just need to fill this space because it's driving me crazy before Thanksgiving," hanging plate thing. I want a cross collection there. I think.

8. Better execute the wall behind the couch. Either I need to finish the Pinterest project I started up there or I just need to take it down and do something else.

9. Weirdly, I want a piano. Like an up-against-the-wall piano. I don't know. That's not going to happen in 2015, but for some weird reason I want one.

^^^This is from The Rockstar Diaries. I love them and I love this piano but something tells me this perfection would end up sadly butchered if I attempted such awesomeness.

10. Fabulously execute these two mounted animal heads Chad got me for Christmas. I'm obsessed with them, but he thinks they're totally weird. He got them for me because he kept saying "NOOOO" when I'd mention them, so I can't just throw those things up on the wall and hope for the best. I really think I need to call an interior designer girlfriend of mine who I barely knew in sorority and ask her to come over to take a look at everything. I'm trying to channel my friend's house in Scottsdale, but every idea I throw out there Chad kind of looks at me like.... "yeeeeahh I know that works in Liz's house, but in this house we have a track record of things not looking so cool....." Crap. Lord help me in this wild thing called "attempting to enjoy your own decor!"

^^^It's this but what Chad got me is prettier and golden. Oh, the thousands of ways this could go wrong!

11. Come to a peaceful solution with these weirdo valance window things. They're these built in, crown molding type window valances on every window in the house. I never understood them and actually don't really like them, but everyone keeps saying how expensive they are so we shouldn't take them down. Well guess what? Going to Dubai is expensive but that does not mean I want to go to Dubai. However, Chad is semi thinking of resale: what if they actually are valuable? EEEEEK. They remind me of an old Asian lady's house or of a colonial home. 

12. DEFINITELY do the master bedroom. It's hard to make it a priority, but it really should be. ^^^

Bottom line is this: I wish I trusted my inner design goddess, but alas, I don't! This is not without due reasoning - save for Lake Forest, pretty much every place we've lived in we had to re-do a few weeks after living there because I start to really loathe whatever it is I fought so hard to put up. It's a vicious cycle! We'll see, we'll see. 

Yearly planner fill-in

Last night I filled in my planner for 2015 - a yearly task I get way too excited for. As I sat there and cross examined January - December with Chadly, I realized just how much happens in one year's time. All of the birthdays between our two families, plans on how we're going to save up for this and that, Christmas and birthday thoughts, weddings, kids' birthday parties for our close friends, dance classes, hockey programs, spring soccer, football in the fall, preschool and kindergarten registration coming up in March. The overall view of it all is pretty amazing, if not a tad bit overwhelming. About half way through my inner thoughts on operation dog: just how much per week should I put away to make this thing happen, I started to think of what an undertaking it is to operate a wonderful family life. We are in it! Totally immersed in what we're told is the best time of our lives. Play dates, brunches, entertaining. Weekend getaways, watching movies on the couch, rough-housing with daddy. Praying before meals, constructing tricycles, organizing tools on peg board in the garage. Researching dogs for our family of four (with one boy and one girl!) - a Norman Rockwell painting, we have become! How on earth?! It's thrilling!

I'm thankful for a little perspective. 2015 is going to be a rad year with these thoughts. I'm praying to maintain this viewpoint and to remember to take things slow. If I ever get a tattoo in my life it would read simply, "be still." I've been practicing that sentiment and I think it's what's responsible for said perspective. Very thankful, up in herre!

Other things I'm thankful for from 2014:

- Chad and my 5th anniversary trip to San Diego where we made our "before 30 bucket lists."

- Actually realizing how much freakin' fun kids are at this age in the most awesome way: Knott's Berry Farm rollercoasters, watch out for us!

- Chad's work life!

- Me feeling like I've checked the boxes I wanted to check in my twenties in regards to work and feeling completely ready and great about becoming a full time stay-at-homer.

- The house!

- Chad and I "pulling the trigger" on several areas of life and having the support of families at the same time!

- Our Dave Ramsey ways hitting the official 1 year mark and still going.

- Friends who we love dearly.

- The Paplia brother being awesome: the dude has been dedicated to going into the Marines. A year ago, we had been going on about year 3 of praying insanely hard for him. Prayers are answered, we know that now more than ever. Perseverance, a great attitude and just an overall wonderful force he is in our family is what we have to be thankful for, all of which began in 2014.

- The Paplia sister being a badass pushing out child number 3! Goooooooo Gina!!!!

- Cisneros brother finding fulfillment in flight school - woohoooo!

- And of course, all of our family members!!! (And sushi!)

New house DIY: our farmhouse table!

Well folks, nice crap is expensive. You want a cute little tabletop to feed family and friends when they come over? Okay, that will be $2,500!!!!!!! Oh, a complimentary bench to go with your good taste? An extra $500!!!! WHAT THE HECK. Not exactly cohesive with two people who just want to keep it simple and not file for bankruptcy. He he he he ho ho ho ho. No but really, things are way too expensive out there. 

When we decided to devote what probably was meant to be the formal living room into a full on dining room, we knew a large table was needed. The idea of having an awesome, big space for tons and tons of people to come over and enjoy good food seemed more awesome than two separate sitting areas, even though I do sort of want an additional space away from the kiddos sometimes when friends visit (she says after everything is said and done). After deciding that we certainly were not okay with spending our childrens' college tuitions on a table and chairs, we got to scouring Pinterest. Chad, the self proclaimed hater of all things country and everything that falls under the category of "farm," actually was totally excited to build a farmhouse table! I think our kitchen makeover was a confidence booster - we were rarin' to go. We found an awesome tutorial and went to work. 

First we went to IKEA and got two small table things, then we headed to Home Depot to get all of our pine cut. Next, Chad laid a "sub floor" type thing, then we got to lying the boards together and using more nails than we thought humanly possible. The thing really is a death trap underneath. There are rogue nails just poking out everywhere under there! The kids have been told that they ARE NOT ALLOWED UNDER THE DINING ROOM TABLE many times, and in a really nice tone of voice too. ;)

Anyhoo, the construction took us about a day and a half, then we went for the stain. That part was quick of course, but was stressful! Did I want it light or dark? Was one side a heavier hue than the other? Ahhh, it was freaky. Thankfully, we were done in just a few days, again with trooper children hanging close by. 

We hosted one dinner party a week for family up until Thanksgiving to break the ole' girl in. Happily that gosh darn thing stayed up and sturdy - I was really nervous to give it a spin with each new family that rolled through! 

The most awesome part of all was the price tag: $275 for the whole darn thing. Once we get chairs, it will be the most expensive part! Again, we are happy we just busted through and got this thing done. Wooohooooo for really enjoying DIYing! Who the heck have we turned into??!

^^^Thanksgiving 2014!!!

^^^I know this is the worst picture of all time, but I'm just too lazy to find the nice picture of the ole' girl all done and pretty! I swear, our computer ate the "nice camera" farmhouse table pics. Waaaah! Love this thing!