Oh, hey there Twix wrappers and unmade bed...

My house is a total mess.

It hit me yesterday when I realized that I've been looking at the same Hershey's kiss wrapper sitting besides my trash can {not in it} for the past month. I know, I know, I have an excuse, but listen man, it's gotten really bad.

As we speak I'm sitting next to Twix wrappers, empty water bottles and an alarming amount of cookie crumbs. The bed is unmade and the dishwasher has not been emptied. The trash in our bathroom has been stacked upon and stacked upon and stacked upon. Fresh food has not graced my refrigerator in maybe two weeks.

And what have I been doing with myself while BOTH of my children are asleep {and have been for the past hour-and-a-half}? Cleaning? No. Organizing? No. Meal planning? No.

I've been sitting on this here computer creating those collages and scouring facebook for some status update I have yet to read.

I'm so productive.

Oh, well!

At least those collages are sporting some damn fine kiddos, and I'm planning on hitting up the grocery store in an hour or so. Planning.

Anywho, have a fabulous {clean} weekend!

{Mine will be spent in heels as we are going on our first date tomorrow night! Woohoo!}

The Shred.

Watch out Jill, I'm coming after you!

...And then I will be posting pics of me wearing outfits similar to the one above. There's nothing wrong with showing a little midriff at the park, complete with a Moby Wrap and some fruit snacks! I daresay it will be the new thing to wear to mommy-and-me!

I'm alone and therefore my mind goes places

Okay, I don't think I'll ever be truly "alone" until these kiddos are well into elementary school, but at this very moment both little preciousness's {a word? Maybe?} are asleep and the man is at school, so I am sitting here in complete silence. It's nice and calming, and ever since my little meltdown the other day, I've been feeling so darn lucky I wouldn't be surprised if my eyeballs exploded. 

So besides the obvious, here are reasons why this mama is feeling good at this very moment:

{1}

My legs are shaved and that shrub atop my head has been straightened. It actually looks quite becoming...Proof that I'm returning to my old self, albeit an outrageously improved self {read: two amazing children}.

{2}

I want to swap out Carter's Big Boy bed for ours. Who says a married couple needs a big bed? What's the point of it if your two year old son's twin sized mattress is more comfortable? He doesn't appreciate what he has! It should be ours.

....And I'm a creep.

{3}

Okay, I thought Carter was asleep, but apparently he is still awake in his room right now and it's 9:23 pm. Maybe I should be considered some sort of hobo mother for being okay with this, but listening to his little musings is just so funny and precious. He keeps saying, "Baby! Hi, baby! Daaaaadaaaa? Hi, cars! Mom-s! Mom-s cars? Allllll dooonnnne. Alllll dooonnnne cars night nights!" 

Ahh, so cute.

{4}

As soon as I achieve a particular goal, I'm going to chop off my hair. It's going to be S.H.O.R.T. I'm so ready for this it's not even funny. My hair has literally been long and blonde since the beginning of time. It needs to go. I can't even style it anymore. Anyway, ta-ta old ways! Hello, sexy new Nicole!

{More on this goal to come.}

{5}

Chad and I went on an hour-and-a-half walk today with the kiddos and the stroller I think I could have married in a previous life {love that thing}. When Carter was a very young little babe and woke up at 7:00 am, we would go on an hour walk before Chad went into work, and it was awesome every single day. So today I decided it was time to bring sexy back and get our walk on. When the two of us go on walks, it always gets me thinking: the guy is just smart. Smart smart smart smart smart. And so motivated. I'm beyond proud of him and the priorities he has.

{^ That was super disjointed. Here's the bottom line: dude is awesome.}

Okay, it's shower time.

Seriously, when I step into that shower, it's like I'm stepping into a spa getaway weekend.

Nothing is more relaxing and wonderful than a long shower during this particular season of my life.

I. LOVE. IT.

Ta-ta!

"End of the world" tears

So the phenomenon has come and gone where the Man upstairs decided it was about time for a day of torture.

Up until this last Sunday, I kept thinking cocky thoughts like,

"Hey, two kids is really not so hard...What the heck is everyone out there talking about? Maybe I'm just some professional baby-handler? Maybe my kids are just extraordinarily easy to raise? Maybe I'm the most secretly arrogant mother on the face of the earth?"

Anyway, these horrendous blips of egotistical nonsense led me down the path to Mommy-Crashville.

Let me start from the beginning at the most natural of hours: 11:30 pm SATURDAY night.

{Yeah, we're not even on Sunday yet.}

Like an idiot, I stayed up until 11:30 on Saturday night with my man, even though I was in a record breaking low mood due to muscle aches. Yeah, I could feel a cold coming on, and it was bugging the heck out of me. WHO needs to deal with a cold when they have to wake up in the middle of the night multiple times? Ugh. 

Anyway, I finally fell asleep after shoo-ing Chad to the edge of the bed so that I could achieve maximum spread eagle positioning because, you know, I was on the verge of a cold and that's what one does when they don't feel well....

12:30 am: Kota wakes up. Okay, no big deal, this is what babies do...Even though my head barely touched the pillow....And I can barely keep my eyes open....Can it be? Do I feel achy-er?

2:00 am: Seriously? It's been an hour and a half. Great, my nose is running.

3:30 am: Awesome.

5:00 am: You've got to be kidding me. I want to die and my throat has all but cut off my air supply. I. NEED. SLEEP.

7:30 am: Hmm, that's weird...It's so bright out for 5:45...Maybe today is going to be really hot? Great. My stupid living room will bake me alive. These aches are really bad...Maybe I should wake Chad up to burp her...And change her diaper...And play with her...Is that the right thing to do? It's so early....Oh, wait! It's 7:30! Why did I think it was 5:45?? Get that man UP!

{One massive arm swing later}

"Babe! Wake up! I can't get her to burp and she may or may not need her diaper changed! HERE ARE THE WIPES, AND HERE ARE THE DIAPERS! THANKS!"

And then Carter woke up.

Oh my gosh. I can't. So I just laid there.

Chad brings Carter in and places him in between us.

Carter apparently does not want to be his cuddly self, but instead wants to head butt me.

NO.

Chad senses some tension coming from the left side of the bed, so he takes the kids out, but not before I hear the "I'M HUNGRY" squawk coming from my angel of a daughter.

Well, I might as well get up and go feed her on the couch. No sense in delaying the inevitable: facing the day.

So I go to sit on the couch with my Brest Friend, and get to feeding, still wanting to die.

And then the

END OF THE WORLD TEARS

started pouring down my face.

Have you ever heard of these wild things? They just come out of YOUR VERY OWN EYES without you giving your body the "okay" to do so! It's completely out of your control!

And since I really hate the whole process of crying, {I'm one those criers where one can notice I've shed tears even HOURS afterwards}, I tried to contain myself from crying HYSTERICALLY. Well, let me tell you,

It. Was. Painful! 

Have you ever tried not to hysterically cry?

And on top of my not-wanting-to-just-cut-loose 'tude, those traitorous tears were still carving a canyon through my face. 

"Hey, babe?"

I couldn't even answer Chad because my throat was completely engaged in trying to control a knot of hysteria.

"Do you, uh, want me to take the kids out for a little bit?"

"If you want."

Can you feel the enthusiasm?

"Well, it's up to you...I can take them out for a little bit since you just fed her."

"Sure."

Even though I was positive she was going to wake up in a mere 20 minutes and want MORE.

So gone was the husband along with the kiddos. What to do, what to do?

Call up the sister who can empathize with me.

I tell her I'm going to walk to Starbucks and maybe proceed to walk around the lake.

So off I go, and then I returned to take a LONG shower and STRAIGHTEN MY HAIR!

{Gasp!}

 Okay, things were looking up, but there were still hints of the hysterical knot, and so it was for the entire rest of the day.

And thus was the day of torture. There were ups, there were downs, but bottom line was this:

Sometimes you just have bad days.

That's it.

I think they're sprinkled throughout life to show us how truly great the good days are.

Anyway, enough seriousness.

The end.

{but isn't "END OF THE WORLD" TEARS so descriptive how they feel? My friend Jenna coined the term, and she was right on the money, my friend, right on the money.}

How do you nap a tot without a crib?

Seriously. How do you get a kid to sleep during nap time when he's not caged in??

Today we loosely did the Supernanny technique, but it looks like tomorrow I'm going to have to be super intense about it because the kiddo is running circles around us right now.

Good thing he's cute.

Anyway, here's the nap-time-game-plan for tomorrow, per Jo's advice:

1. Bambino gets out of bed: "Okay, honey bunny, it's bed time," in a soothing voice.

2. Bambino gets out of bed again: "It's bed time."

3. Bambino gets out of bed AGAIN: say nothing and tuck them back in. Again. And again. And again.

4. Bambino gets out of bed for the last time: "GET THE HELL BACK IN BED NOW!"

JUST KIDDING!

Okay, #4 doesn't really exist, but I will be diligently executing steps 1-3 starting at 1:00 tomorrow, because today's nap session is officially a wash.

Off to Target we go with the man for some shopping and returning!

Woohoo!

Okay, I'm going stir crazy.

I really am.

I need to get my booty moving and grooving with other moms who may be going stir crazy, as well. 

There's just one little thing: I haven't been feeling very well.

Yeah, I've been borderline sick for the last few days. 

Boo.

But guess what's awesome??

Kota has been going down at 8:00 ON THE DOT for the last few nights with her brother.

It's amazing what a little "me" time can do for the soul.

But this glorious "me" time which I've been lucky enough to experience needs to be moved from this apartment to some place social. So I can, you know, talk to other adults.

And I need to be wearing heels while executing this strange thing called "socializing."

And my hair needs to be done.

And make-up needs to be present.

And my clutch should be the only thing used for storage, where there is no room for two different sizes of diapers.

Even though leaving my gigantic Coach baby bag will not be an easy thing to do.

And once all that has been successfully accomplished, I will feel energized and ready to get back to apartment 51 where rogue bodily fluids {yes, poop can be considered a fluid} reigns supreme!

But wait! I'm already feeling guilty for this post, so here are those precious faces which I will miss SO MUCH once I actually leave the four walls which comprises my living room:

Awww :)

I was scouring...

I was in one of those lets-look-at-every-single-picture-saved-on-my-computer modes and these are what I found! Ahh, to be pregnant and humongous! 

 {Okay, let's be real: I look absolutely hideous here. No need to be nice people! But doesn't Carter look like a doll?}

 {The first time I have ever told Carter to go stand in front of something so I can take a picture! So cute!}

 {Okay, seriously I. JUST. WANTED. ONE. NORMAL. PICTURE. WITH. MY. BABY!}

 {...And he wasn't into it.}

 {...like, really not into it.}

Oh, Old Town San Diego! How we enjoyed you!