Update week: workin' 9-5

My men, last year

For a little bit longer than the past almost-three years, I've had a plan when it came to what I was going to do with myself regarding "work." It goes way back to when I was pregnant with Carter: finish my undergrad, secure a low commitment, easy-to-figure-out-babysitting occupation, have another baby, then figure out just what the deal was in the "real" work world. Would I be working 9-5? Kickin' butt and taking names? I had no idea! It was all a big mystery, but something I was excited to tackle once the time arrived.

Well, three out of the four steps had been taken as of a few months ago, leaving only the whole work thing on the To-Do list. Kota was about six months old when I started to seriously think about my financial contribution to the family/house buying/Cisneros-legitsky cause, and to tell you the truth, I was quite thrilled to begin my very own pencil-skirt-and-heels job search! There were so many options! Did I want to get started in PR? What about banking? Or possibly marketing?!

Little did I know, though, that my fun little search was the beginning of a torturous labyrinth of second-guessing myself and mind-changing. It all became a torrent of


Should I go to work full time, or shouldn't I? If I don't, is that the right thing to do for the kids, or isn't it? Zillions of moms work a whopping 5 days per week, so am I just being a big weirdo for feeling any trepidation about it? Let's say I do go to work, what shall I do in regards to employment? WHAT SHALL I DO?!

I mean, it went on and on . . . for months. For a few days I would be stoked about entering the workforce, ready and willing to drop the babies off at a daycare, completely fine with the whole thing. After about 72 hours of psyching myself up though, I couldn't keep ignoring the fact that I felt like my mind was shouting words into my consciousness like, "JUST DO IT! YOU'RE GOING TO BE FINE! THE KIDS WILL BE FINE! STOP THINKING ABOUT IT AND JUST GO!" just so that way I wouldn't be able to hear the, "okay, woah, are you really going to be okay dropping the babies off for so many hours per day?", more true-to-myself thoughts.

Once I would finally recognize the more tame sentiments, I would think things like, "alright, clearly you are just one of those women who has no grit." It was awful, torturous even! I felt like I had a responsibility to help provide for my family (and the awesome vacations I envisioned for us), but couldn't put my thoughts into actions! I was a talker, not a doer. Chad one time told me that he liked how I was a dreamer - EXACTLY what I didn't want to be! What the heck? Dreamers are folks who look into the distance and say things like, "hmm, I wonder what it had been like if the South had won the Civil War. . . . Hmmm, that would be interesting, wouldn't it? . . ."

NO! When I was a young whippersnapper, I had always envisioned myself as some corporate badass. Now that vision sounds horrendous, as priorities have shifted drastically - EXCEPT FOR THE PART ABOUT ME BEING A BADASS!

Then one day, tired of my wishy-washy ways, I sat down to really figure out what was going on with our lives. I compared and contrasted various day care costs, my possible yearly earnings, how early in the morning I would have to leave to drop the kids off, on which days Chad could pick them up/which day he could take off so that way the kids wouldn't be with a babysitter 100% of the time, along with the emotional stress (yes, I calculated this - I have no idea how, but it was like an actual calculation). When Chad got home from work that night, I showed him what was up and asked him what he thought. After taking a look at the cold hard facts, we decided to forget about me working for The Man. It just wasn't worth it, especially the emotional stress.

From that point on, I stopped freaking out about my status as an unemployed human being, mainly because I felt bad complaining about it. I mean, it wasn't as if I was doing the most important thing on earth or anything: raising our family! I just needed to get a grip and relax - allow my I-need-a-project-at-all-times self chill out. You know, take some time to smell the roses. So that's what I did and out of nowhere, a few opportunities popped up in none other realm than what I love to do: WRITING!

I couldn't believe it! I'm now working with a company called The Parent Tree and another one called Healthy Living Healthy Life. It has been glorious and I can't wait to see what other doors these relationships will open for me.

BUT the BIG KAHUNA of working motherhood has just been put into motion, making my awesome writing gigs more of a "for the love of" type thing! More information on this will come next time in update week! Woohooo!

Update week: Our move!

Okay, so not to be one of those people who says "it's been way too long since I've blogged last" and nobody had any clue that you were gone, but it's been way too long since I've blogged last! Holy moly, it's been AGES. Anyway, some major things have been happening around these parts, so I'm just going to do one, big fat week of updates since the things that have been going on have been pretty significant.

So update #1: our move and living situation! Man, oh man, where do I begin when it comes to the saga of where we have been taking up residence over the past few months . . . To say the least, it's been nuts. Here are the cliff notes:

1. March - April: We were in the last few months of our lease in Irvine, and were looking to buy a condo next. With those intentions, we decided that it would be better to just crash at the in-law's house so as not to jump into another lease. Well, once we hit the pavement and really started looking at what our glorious pre-approval allowed us, we decided to take a step back and reevaluate our options. Now I'm relieved that we didn't try to plow ahead to make it happen because we would have outgrown those places in about 30 seconds.

2. May - mid-September: So yes, the in-law's. Although I feel very blessed to have such gracious people in my life ready and willing to open up their home for our little family, it was quite the trying experience. In hindsight though, living there really put the nail in the coffin when it came to us buying. Since we occupied two rooms in the Cisneros home, it showed us that where ever we lived next, we had to have three bedrooms. It became a non-negotiable. I thought we would be able to manage with a two bedroom place with two kids, but turns out, we couldn't. So that was a positive . . .

3. Beginning of September: Despite the obvious financial awesomeness that living in Yorba Linda provided us, we decided to put the kabosh on the whole thing and move on, mainly because Kota was still in our room and I felt like there was no way I could put the two of them in the same room, what with her waking up every few hours, AND keep my sanity at the same time (picture this: no talking, no TV watching and walking on tip-toes for 8 whole months in your own bedroom! Far too long!). So we decided to take the plunge and start looking outside of the OC for some affordable, spacious inside-and-out properties in good ole' Corona. Yeah, it was going to be weird, but hey! We would have a yard, a minimum of 4 bedrooms and space for us to breathe. It was going to be awesome according to us, not so much according to both sides of our families. Anyway, we went a'lookin' to absolutely no avail. It was horrible. Talk about stress.

4. Mid-September: While I was on a walk wallowing in the misery which had become plain ole' normal at that point, my parent's realtor three-way called me with my mom on the line to talk about a listing he had in Lake Forest (right up the street from my parents' fabulous city of Mission Viejo), and that he could make it happen in one week. ONE WEEK! So I immediately packed the kids in the car at 7:30 pm, drove from Yorba Linda to Lake Forest to meet my mom and Gus, drove back, told Chad about it once he got home from class at 10:00, called Gus at 10:30 and WABAM! We had a new home which met all of our criteria!

5. September 14th: MOVE IN DAY! I swear I heard the choir of angels all day long!

Anyway, I'll tell you what: when you're feeling outrageously low because your peace of mind has been compromised thanks to a lack of sleep and tight living quarters, pray on it and try not to become desperate! Toward the end of our Corona search I was commiserating with my dad about the current state of the four of us, and he told me,
"Honey, I know it's tough, but don't become desperate. When you get into that state of mind, you make rash decisions." 

After hearing those words of wisdom I really did relax, and shortly after I revised my prayer message from "Okay, we REALLY need to figure out our living situation, so could you help a gal out?" to "Wherever you see us, lead me there," it all fell into step. Glorious, I tell you, glorious!

One of those moments

Today I experienced one of those moments where for just a split second, I couldn't believe where life has taken us. It was short, lasting less than a full minute, but oh-so-sweet. 

I was prepping for Chad and my pasta dinner by chopping up the goods, Carter was eating his little tot-sized dinner and Kota was satisfied in her exersaucer. As I was cutting the onions, my eyes started to water so I backed off from the counter for a second, shutting them to try to stop the burn. After a few seconds of me standing there in all my shut-eyed glory, I realized that we were all three existing in complete, sweet, happy silence, each of us inundated with the separate things that we were doing. 

I was chopping. Carter was examining his food with great intensity. Kota was calmly going for a world record in teething-toy-brutalization with those uncomfortable gums of hers.

I took a look around at the madness that had become the kitchen and had this thought exactly:

I love the chaos that is raising these two babies. I LOVE IT. Carter ramming the back of the couch with his push-along choo-choo from his early walking days, Kota clawing the left side of my face off with her perpetually overgrown fingernails, the two of them laughing it up like hyenas simply because Boomer walked by. It's wonderful. Unbelievably wonderful. 

----

Completely unrelated, another kind of profound thing happened today, also. 

We have this little Bible book for Carter, and when we were at Target the other day he asked if he could get the "brother" book, which is a sort of how-to on praying for babes. I read it to him for the first time today right before his nap, and came across a prayer for patience and compassion. I realized that in that exact moment, I needed to pray for more patience. 

The half hour before nap time is by no means my favorite time of day. I genuinely get angry at how long it takes to settle Carter in for his daily snooze, sometimes resorting to yelling like someone who has a teenager instead of a two-and-a-half-year-old. The way I rationalize the rise in octaves is by thinking, It's okay, I never yell, so this will really sink in this time. 

Anyway, it got me thinking. God puts things like pre-nap time book reading sessions revolving around prayer in your life for a reason, and today the message couldn't have been more clear. So cheers to a calm day thanks to none other than the Big Man upstairs!

Oh, the inspiration

The house is quiet, the laundry is running and I'm devouring a slice of cake.

I can't think of a better way to spend these sacred moments of silent bliss than to rack through the wonderfulness that is pinterest.

Ahh, the joys...

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When Chad and I heave-ho out of this transitional living situation (in a few short weeks . . . Can you hear the choir of angels heralding?), this amazingness is either going to be gracing Kota's nursery or the play room. Well, if there is a play room, that is.


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If I didn't see myself botching those pretty poofs of delight so severely, they would be hanging over her crib, too.


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...and in a few short years, this is what I have to look forward to... Tear!


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Lastly, Chad doesn't know it yet, but we're also going to be painting Kot's crib this color come the new house situation. Yep, we are...

And I can't forget about Carts! Basically, this is what his room is going to be looking like, thanks to her fabulous expertise...




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ALLELUIA! ALLELUIA! ALLELUIA!
Beautiful, I tell you, beautiful!

Anyway, moving on from the babes, I would really appreciate it if Fall could just hurry on up so I can pretend to be good at things like...

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THAT. Or wear things like...


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THIS.

Anyway, Fall also brings back

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my favorite beyond favorite show, which can be watched after attending my newest obsession, Stroller Strides, where I will be wearing an outfit no less cute than


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...the likes of those.

Anyway! I'd love to keep racketeering, but the couch is calling my name so . . . You know what that means!
Real Housewives of New Jersey, baby!

The kids and I

Alright, obvious title, as that is the crux of my life during America's working hours, but I feel like I need to document the new plateau we have reached. It's the three of us. The three amigos, ying-yang-and-yong (?), compadres till the end. I don't know how to put it exactly, but somewhere between the potty training and insane amount of size 2 diapers lying on our dresser, the three of us have learned to just gel. A few months ago, I'll admit that it was either Carter-and-I + the baby, or Kota-and-I + Carter. Never a threesome, but rather a I can't give you both my full attention, so I need to focus on one but try my best not to leave-out the other sort of thing. Does that make sense?

Anyway, the combination of Chadly's new work day responsibilities (proud wife!) and my new status as a full-time stay-at-homer has led to this most pleasant of realities. Now Chad comes home to three people who have been letting down their hair in all that is domestic, something which has been quite enjoyable, to the surprise of moi. For example, today there was not one dish left in the sink. I KNOW! In fact, amongst the dishless kitchen, we made a cake. AND I made the world's most delicious batch of baby food (okay, I have to share this one: carrots, broccoli, butter, salt and garlic seasoning. OH. MY. GOSH). For some reason, reveling in such activities brings about a sense of balance and joy, instead of an I'm-about-to-pull-my-hair-out by the end of the day type of thing. 

Who knows what it is about calmly moving throughout the day that creates such cohesiveness! 

Anyway, another big development in three-amigo-land is this new active level of fun-having by the youngest C's. Carter has always sort of laughed and played with Kota and she would always laugh back and look intrigued, but now it's a two way street! They both just giggle it up all day long! The car is the best. All of a sudden I'll look in the rear view mirror and there's Carter, making funny faces at the baby! Yes! And she's only seven months old! 

In my opinion, the only direction we can go is up in the sibling camaraderie department, further affirming my thoughts that bangin' out the two was the right thing to do for us. 

Anyway, it has been nice. Very nice, in fact.

Now I'm going to go sprits myself with Skinnygirl's sangria and wait for Chadly to finish up his football draft tomfoolery. Oh yeah, it's that time of year again. 

Yay?

The smile comprised of clenched teeth

It's a rarity when Chad and I are the ones to push each other's buttons.

He never really bugs me and I never really bug him. It's just the way it is with us two. When we were dating I thought that something was majorly wrong with us because we never really fought. In fact, when the brewskies were flowing, I actually tried to pick fights with him because . . . well, I have no idea why, but it never worked because Chad would calmly say something along the lines of, "Okay, so what is this whole argument about, anyway?" A question I never had an answer for because my fight-pickin' was always so shallow. Luckily those ridiculous outburst were far and few between, since beer and the like seemed to bring out the giggly, beer pong champions that made up Chad-and-Nicole. Looking back, it kind of makes me laugh, but my mom told me that if a couple never fights, it might be because they are not communicating.

So when we got married, my number one priority (and still is) was to make sure that we communicated like pros. For a few months there, it was sort of hilarious because if Chad was quiet one night for whatever reason, I would always say something like, "Okay, babe, what's going on? I know you're thinking about something, you handsome dog! Come on, tell the ole' wife!" . . . in so many words.

But anyway, the other night I actually pushed buttons. Actually, I pushed THE button.

Chad had had the world's longest day at work and, after we ate dinner, had to finish up this test-like thing for the next day. Well, I decided that it was of the utmost importance to tell him about my newest plan for our near future before he embarked upon his late night work thing, but it was more of a one sided conversation since his mind was elsewhere. Well, APPARENTLY this was not okay with me, a fact which I vigorously informed him of. So there we were, calmly pushing our own points: me, that I was right and that we better hop-to on my plan, him, that he did not want to be talking about it at that moment. 

After fifteen minutes of our composed, weird argument, I looked at him and saw that his eyes were boring into my soul, his hands were neatly stacked one on top of the other and that he was wearing THE SMILE.

The smile he described to me when explaining how his boss had played a joke on him, telling him that he had actually been demoted instead of promoted. 

It was the smile comprised of CLENCHED TEETH!

Clenched teeth! 

Oh man, I knew I had pushed too far. In fact, I think my eyes widened by the mere sight of it! Quickly following the incident, he told me that he needed to go fill his car up with gas. What? Um, okay . . . Since when do us Cisneros's fill up our cars at 9:30 at night? Since when do we argue poignantly enough to warrant THE SMILE?! It was crazy town around these parts!

Anyway, after he returned from the gas trip, went to bed, woke up before me and returned to my lovely stir fry last night, he told me that the pit of his day was feeling bad about how mad he had gotten the night before. Then I told him how I could have taken it easy on him, considering he was trying to get some work done. 

So then we laughed, because we are hilarious. 

Isn't that just funny? It's like, when we do actually argue, we have no idea what to do with ourselves! We are awkward arguers! Anyway, in my opinion, it's not too shabby of a problem to have, but I had to document the occurrence of THE SMILE!

I wish I was...

I'm one of those people who uses this statement quite often:

"Seriously, wouldn't that be so cool if I . . . . Don't worry, babe, I'll look into that. I'm sure it wouldn't be too difficult to make happen!"

But the thing is, Chad is NOT worried about whatever fills in that blank. I mean, not anymore, I'm sure. Maybe at one point in our magical lives together he used to heed such words, but now they probably just fall flat on the floor. He's probably trained his mind to not even hear them. Or maybe the syllables resemble that of an annoying fly? I don't know. Either way, here was the latest seriously, I've got to make this happen thought:

To become the master of all photo editors.

Really. For quite some time I've had this thought, and there have been multiple occasions where I have truly thought about starting a blog comprised only of my outrageously wonderfully edited pictures with pops of wild colors everywhere. But when I really think about it, when the heck would I have time to execute such an undertaking? The minimal amount of editing I do for my pictures on this blog takes me entire nap time sessions, so when the heck was I thinking I could make an entire blog out of the same process (an entire successful blog, which, in my head, was the key word)? But about 5 minutes ago, I was about to sit down at this here computer to begin what would surely be the mother of all editing sessions!

Anyway, here are other frequent thoughts that, while in the moment, I'm totally serious about:

The ever pleasant fashion blogger.
I kid you not, I really wish that I was some trend-setting fashion blogger. Oh yes, I'm serious. (Says the girl who's hair has not been washed in three days, just dug out her white shorts from the depths of the laundry basket AND who would laugh like a hyena when forcing my husband to take my "fashion" pictures.)

The I-used-to-not-be-able-to-cook-so-if-I-can-learn-you-can-learn-too cook book creator.
Yeah, I know.

The I want to touch every corner of the globe with my own two feet planner.
Chad has told me many times that it would actually just be easier if I made a list of places I don't want to go, so that way we would be able to narrow down our next vacation destination easier.

The how-hard-can-it-really-be-to-start-your-own-dress-line gal.
Oh, I looked into this, let me tell YOU. I like to sew in straight lines, so naturally I need a dress line.

Anyway, that's all I can think of right now, but rest assured, there are millions more thoughts just like those milling around up there. Anywho, cheers to diversifying your interests!
(That's reason to "cheers," right? I know Chad would agree! . . . Right, babe! . . . ?)