Projects I want done in 2015 follow up

So I wrote this post at the end of December, and I'm happy to say that almost all of the issues have been semi-addressed. I'd like to think of every room in the house as being 75% finished, with the exception being our master bedroom, but hey! The progress we've made has been awesome considering we've been here for exactly 6 months as of 5 days ago. Well, we closed 6 months and 5 days ago, so technically exactly 6 months ago today we were going psycho trying to redo the kitchen. 4 days from today will be our 6 month anniversary of actually moving in, ya dig? Confusing, eh?!

Anyhoo, here are a few things we've done! (Absolutely zero editing goes on around here, so pictures be horrendous.)

1. We've moved the long entryway dresser thing into our room to get rid of the horrendous armoire that used to be where we kept our clothes. Now the entryway boasts absolutely NOTHING and it's AWESOME. It's so much better to look at a blank space rather than a piece of furniture you're not too sure you like. We'll be making the entryway pretty, but with a table and probably a mirror that we love. As of right now, hockey town lives up in herre.
ORIGINAL:

 NOW:

2. We figured out a better place for the computer! It's still in our room but is way more functional sitting atop the long ole' dresser we have in here now.... The dresser that still needs to be redone.
ORIGINAL:

NOW:

3. THANK GOODNESS we got rid of this beast. It was such a space hog and let's be real- this chick is not some furniture restoreth goddess. I will be redoing only ONE piece of furniture, and it's going to be the long dresser.
ORIGINAL (that's now in the garage waiting to be picked up by a Craigslist buyer or Goodwill):

4. We took our the light and bright rug in the family room...
ORIGINAL:

NOW:

5. We still haven't reupholstered the green, dragon-fly Craigslist buy yet, but it's such durable fabric that I obviously don't love, making it ideal for kiddo snack time. We'll do this eventually.

6. (continuing from 4) ...and swapped it out with what we had originally wanted to be a dining room! We took the couch and rug from the family room and put it in the dining room, which took care of the awkwardness of that room.
ORIGINAL:

NOW:

7. Man, looking at thAT weirdo circley freako "design" I had going here strikes fear into my soul. Who reinforced this idea? Someone should have told me, "Nicole, this is one of those things that shouldn't be happening. Especially right before you host your first Thanksgiving." We are much happier with what's up there now.
ORIGINAL:

 NOW:

8. Here is another situation in which keeping a space empty is 1,000x's better than placing something there you don't love. Surprise, surprise, my Pinterest project was never finished, probably for the better.
ORIGINAL:

NOW:

9. Okay, we're not getting a piano, but if we did it would be awesome. There are just a few things on the list that comes before a nice, up-against-the-wall music maker... a dog, the rest of the house's decor, a legit fence.... you know. Things.

10. You know, I'm super happy about my two mounted animal heads. This was, for my track record's sake, very feared. I knew, KNEW, I was going to botch these, especially considering one was a RHINO'S HEAD! A rhino! Chad told me that if he was going to cave and get me the coveted deer head then he got to pick a rhino to go up somewhere. Anyway, I like Brutus the deer and Sven the rhino! They look down on us with care in their eyes, I know it.

11. We still haven't come to a solution regarding the window valances. Oh well. Maybe later in the year, although I don't think we'll get there just yet.

12. Our master bedroom is going to be happening in a few weekends. I'm not sure when but it will. I think Chad and I are both feelin' a trip down to the depot for a few cans of paint, picking up the metal bed frame I got online and redoing the long dresser. It will happen. As of right now... our mattress is on the floor and the walls are still spackle-splattered. That's okay though, we still love it :)

See! Every room has a few needs, but it all feels so much better than before. Ahh, the home!

"Normal"

I'm feeling "normal" again, which is a new development. About two days ago I woke up and was like, "OKAY! ALRIGHT! This is life!" It's a good new normal, I'd say. We officially have three babies - one in heaven - and when I think of him or her I have a moment of getting that sensation like I'm going to cry, which I'm happy to have. If that feeling is what remains of the past four weeks, hey I'm glad it's there. It passes quickly and I feel lighter afterwards, like I'm just glad to get to experience what's right in front of my face at the moment. The deeper level of emotion and treasuring of my loved ones is apart of the new normal that is invaluable.

Three weeks ago, when I was still in the throes of gripping sadness, I had this horrible feeling that this is a mark on my life that will never, ever leave me. A dark feeling, like I was doomed. In my talking with several different women who had either miscarried themselves or were empathizing with me, a few of them said that their mom had had a miscarriage 25, 30 years ago and it was something they still thought about (their various mothers). Thinking of that stretched my mind to weird places. "Wait, so when Carter is 35 and Dakota is 33 I'm going to be sad about this event. It's something I will be thinking about when I'm in my 50's." It left me wishing that it had never happened.

"Why did this have to happen to us? I wish this could have been an easy pregnancy." I felt selfish thinking like that because I had been actively pushing my mind toward what a blessing the baby had been in the first place, God has a plan, we'll get through this stronger on the other said, God knows what he's doing, etc., etc., etc. But the fact remained that I just wished that it hadn't happened at all. That may seem obvious: "I wish I hadn't miscarried this baby," but after really digging deep mentally, emotionally and spiritually, it was a feeling which surprised me. Especially after so much "processing." Like I was being depressingly, sadly, horrifyingly honest with myself - not following up every sad feeling with a spiritual, "yes, but God has a plan!"

That is certainly not to say that I don't wholeheartedly believe in God's plan, it was just a pain that had to be felt. This is another weird thought, but in that book The Fault in Our Stars, a major quote that she obsessed over was, "That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt." Now ain't that the gosh darn truth? Another reason I was shocked to have such a blunt feeling such as "I wish this hadn't happened, I don't care what lessons I learn in the aftermath," was my willingness to just feel sad. The last thing I wanted to do was push the pain away because a) it reminded me of the baby, and b) you always hear about people not dealing with their issues and then BAM, they manifest in different ways. I fully wanted to heal emotionally, even if that meant just being a sad lump on a log.

Anyway, after some time, I feel more "normal." Time does heal all, and thank goodness I have Chad to do it with. So cheers, gosh darnit!

Easter 2015

This Easter meant so much around here, or at least to my heart it seemed to land a bit heavier. Normally, I shop for a few weeks for everyone's church outfits and seriously plan in my head how and where we will pose for our annual family picture dressed in our Easter best. That is a real thought that goes through my head pre-Resurrection day. But this year, I pulled what we had from everyone's closets and hey! I was happy with the outcome. The past month has whooshed by and what with just trying to stay upbeat in my own mind, shopping seemed very trivial. 

While we were in church, I literally wanted to sing very loudly, close my eyes and, I don't know, hug the air with open arms? Such behavior is not really how it goes in Roman Catholic churches, or at least the one I grew up in and our new one out here in C-town. But I just felt very touched this year and that God could "feel us." It was amazing, I've really never felt that way while in church before - like I really wanted to outwardly express what was going on in my mind and heart. Instead of doing that however, I was busy just keeping Kota out of my purse, Carter happy with his color pencils and coloring book and just the whole darn family staying afloat in this new, wild land: "church without childcare."

Anyhoo, after church, we swung by the house really quick to grab gear, then went to pick up my Grandma and then headed to Grandma Cheryl's beach shack! We love that place. G-ma C invited my parents, her mom and nephews, my brother-in-law's girlfriend's parents and just anyone who wanted to come on out. It was a great group to spend the holiday with. Also, Kota looked FREAKING ADORABLE in her first two-piece of all time! That clever Easter bunny. Now that I think about it, shopping for the kids' basket present (bathing suits) was the only frantic shopping I did, so I guess I really did do a little runnin'-around-town. Carter's gift was a little too big for him, but it was still cool because it was my first time shopping in the "big boy" section of Target. Insane!

 ^^^Right before church when I didn't realize my butt looked ridiculous.

 ^^^This is kind of sad because Kota was being tortured by the eczema on the back of her legs, but the picture is sort of awesome.

Phone picture explosion

I just told the family that we are going to have homemade bean burritos tonight and all three of the other inhabitants of this house turned sour faced. The two smaller ones said NOOOO and Chad said, "I too am not particularly excited about these." Fools!! They will see! I make the best homemade bean burritos in all the land!!!

Anyhoo, I must further document "old pictures from my iPhone" up in herre!

 ^^^Our first time at Pretend City!

 ^^^Ahh, la playa!

 ^^^I miss Stroller Strides so much!

 ^^^One of my favorite pictures of all the Fitch children: Asher swaddled after Baylor came home from the hospital :)

 ^^^5 year anniversary lovin'.

 ^^^Father's Day 2014! A favorite picture of all time.

 ^^^Waaaahh I miss my Stroller Strides ladies so much!

 ^^^Dakota being a baby.

^^^RAWRRRRRRRR