It's only been 44 days...

It's only been 44 days since Carter turned three, but we are in a new year, which makes me feel like it was ages ago. 2013 has brought us so many major milestones already, that to think that 2012 is not that far behind us sounds something like a joke. Even more unbelievable, he was 2 just 45 days ago. I know, I know, where the heck is this going . . . Well, I'm having one of those mama days where I just want to time stand still.

Now here's a secret: I used to do a small eye-roll when people would say things like, "Ahh, it happens so fast," and, "before you know it you'll have an empty nest." Said eye-roll wasn't coming from a place of disagreement, because I had already felt the time-space continuum shift when we brought Carter home from the hospital that glorious Christmas Day, but rather from a spot deep inside which defied whoever said that. I would think, Of course I'm treasuring every moment, why would you imply that I'm not. That sounds a little more abrasive than what was actually running through my head, but you get the idea.

But my big man is going to be 4 this year. In 2013, I will have a 4 year old. According to science, 3 is the year that they begin actual memory making, so this is the real deal. We officially are in the he-may-remember-what-we-are-doing-right-now-for-the-rest-of-his-life zone. The topic that has been swimming around my head for the last few weeks? Which preschool am I going to be dropping my first born off at in the Fall.

What the hell?

I know that saying the words "I just want time to stand still" is the ultimate cliche of motherhood, but for the first REAL time, that's how I feel. I keep having this vision, produced not from my brain, but rather from a dark pit in my stomach, of myself playing tug-o-war, with me at one end of the rope being pulled in the direction of this gigantic black hole that's spiraling and sucking everything into it. I really am not making that up in an attempt to sound lyrical. In my little vision, I'm wearing what Chad wore during Greek Week back in the dating days when his fraternity competed in "Tug," so just to be clear: soccer cleats, knee length shorts and a sweatshirt (please don't ask me where this get-up is coming from). Anyway, I have my heels dug into the grass in an attempt to stop the forward pulling motion, but it doesn't matter, it just keeps moving, causing rope burns I can do nothing about because I can't let go.

Anyway, that's my ultra dramatic vision of my darling, perfect, silly, precious first born aging out of toddler-hood and into school-dome. So yes, we are in the month of February, and no, he will not be turning the big 4 until December, but man-oh-man, I sure as heck want to stay in this moment.