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Thursday, May 14, 2015

The most ridiculous migraine story of all time

People, migraines can go to hell. Back in teenage time, I would get them every once in awhile, then between 18-21 they increased to about every 10 weeks. After a few years of excruciatingly painful days when those bad boys would hit, I gave myself over to the idea that I would just have to deal with these horrific incidents forever. Excedrin Migraine sometimes would help out, but not always, and the level of milligrams I would have to take freaked me out. Going to the doctor for a stronger prescription was always on my to-do list, but actually ingesting something that strong always irked me, so I never went. Anyway, I've discovered that my migraines are triggered by hormone rushes, hence the teenage occurrences, then birth control years, then pregnancy horrificness (I had 2 or 3 a week when pregs with Kota! Yuck). After I had Kota, I decided not to go back on bc (...because I was too lazy to go to the doctors and get it prescribed...), and lo and behold, I went years without a migraine. So anyway, bottom line is this: birth control and pregnancy hormones = migraines.
Anyhoo, when Whitney had her bachelorette party, I had recently found out we were expecting (still sort of weird to talk about so flippantly what with the baby not being here with us anymore, but it was a part of our lives, therefore we shall discuss!).

For days before I left, Chad warned me several times to not forget about how much care I needed to take in order to avoid a migraine. "Babe, just remember to eat a ton and take a nap if you need to. DO NOT SET YOURSELF UP FOR A MIGRAINE." "Nicole, here are 5 pounds worth of snacks just in case you feel a migraine coming on." (If I go too long without eating while pregnant, it's a fact that a migraine will come - A FACT!) "Babe, remember that if the girls want to go out until 2 am, you should cut the night short around 10:30 so you don't get a migraine the next day." He was terrified and so was I! I mean, they are so debilitating!!! I can't even see correctly when in the throes - forget about navigating through a semi-unfamiliar city!

So anyway, come the weekend, I was doing great: eating every second, staying out of the sun, guzzling gallons of water, going in early on Friday night - the works! Then, during Saturday's brunch which was eaten around 1 pm, I got this huge platter, leaving me full for the rest of the day. I mean, I was not hungry. We started playing games around 5 (in the most revealing dress any pregnant woman has ever worn), then left for dinner around 8. That was SEVEN HOURS without food! Right around 7:30, I realized that I hadn't eaten since brunch, and quickly grabbed a massive bag of sun chips to hold me over until dinner, knowing that it was probably too late. When we got down to the hotel lobby, I realized that I couldn't make out the features of some people's faces - y'all, the effing weird crap these migraines will do to you... it's indescribable. Like their eyes and mouths were not visible to me! I started freaking out on the inside, "Oh crap, this is going to happen."

We walked to dinner, where I immediately barked at the waiter to put in my chicken caesar salad early in a feeble attempt to fill myself with some protein, a task he didn't do because I got my salad with everyone else. At about 8:30, it was clear that I was NOT making it through that dinner. Like, not at all. Liz was deep in conversation with the two across from us, so instead of interrupting her, I called Chad in a panic. "BABE YOU NEED TO CALL ME AN UBER RIGHT NOW I'M AT THIS RESTAURANT IT'S SPELLED LIKE THIS M A M A G I N A 'S OKAY THANKS I HAVE TO GO I'M GOING TO PUKE." Liz was staring at me like, "what are you thinking? I'll call you an uber, why would Chad do that from Corona?" so the two of us bolted for the door while I half told Whitney how sorry I was that I had to go.

So here's what was happening: Liz and I were standing on a curb in downtown San Diego in these very tiny dresses waiting for an uber. I told her that I legitimately was going to puke my brains out (migraines literally make me sick). I handed her my purse, and I half ran back through the restaurant in search of the bathroom where I hit a long line and breathed in the scent coming from the kitchen, making me want to hurl even more. THIS WAS NOT OKAY. I bolted back outside, half hearing Whitney telling me that they were going to box my food up (causing me to almost puke right then and there), then once I was outside, I told Liz that I was GOING to puke, this was going to happen. She, probably completely freaked, told me to just do it, I was pregnant for gosh sakes.
So there I stood in my very high heels and barely there dress, puking into the gutter in downtown San Diego at 8:30 pm! A group of guys walked by and yelled, "Wow, it's too early for that. Way to hold your alcohol," to which Liz answered, "She's pregnant, don't worry about her, she's just pregnant!"

I was MORTIFIED! What was worse - being a drunken idiot at 8:30 in front of a nice restaurant, or being a pregnant woman in that outfit puking into a gutter???!!!! MORTIFIED!

Then the uber guy got there and Liz told him that I just got sick and that I was pregnant, so to just be cool. I slinked into the back seat then told him these words exactly, "I usually don't dress like this when I'm pregnant, I'm just on a bachelorette weekend so..."

He then asked if I knew where we were going. Umm, what? I thought these uber people knew where to go before they picked up. A horrifying thought ran through my head that this guy was going to take advantage of my miserable state and kidnap me or something, which caused me to think these exact words: if ever there was a time in my life where I needed to fend off some attacker, THIS NIGHT CANNOT BE THE NIGHT. Hahahaha! So I told him that yes, yes I did know where we were going and then monitored his drive the whole time.

Before he even stopped the car, I ran into the hotel lobby bathroom where the ole' migraine reared his ugly nauseous head again, then retired to the room. I fell asleep for 2 hours, then woke up needing some protein, so I rummaged through one of the girl's bags to find some trail mix. I sat there, in the dark, picking through the mix for peanuts. It was honest to goodness one of the most ridiculous couple of hours I've ever experience! I still laugh thinking of myself sitting there alone, shaking, searching for peanuts hahahaha. Truly insane!

As far as the girls were concerned, apparently after I got into the uber, the outdoor hostess told Liz that she better not bring her drunk friend back into the restaurant. Liz went completely crazy on her, causing the restaurant manager to come out and reprimand the hostess, which made her cry. Then Whitney, horrified that the employee had been so ungracious to Liz and I, had an equally horrifying conversation with that same manager, driving him to comp the champagne. Next, everyone went to a club where it seemed that no one was about to take crap from anyone! Like a mob of pretty ladies on the hunt for rude people! Hahaha! I mean, that's not how we usually roll. I woke up the next morning feeling so bad that I had not taken enough care of myself to stay out with Whitney during her amazing weekend, only to find out that everyone had defended my honor! Hahaha what a crazy night!

1 comment:

  1. Reading this post made my head hurt. I get hormonal migraines too! I get the whole crazy vision, crazy puking too. I feel your pain lady. But this post also made me laugh, hahaha.


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