Why dieting will never work for me

Y'all, I could never diet.

It's just not in my make up!

Food is literally too large a piece of my life to try to skimp out on any of it, if even just for a few days. 

It simply does not work, and probably never will.

The few times in my life where I have actually tried to avoid those devilish things called carbs, or cut out my frequent trips to the pantry to douse myself in chocolatey goodness, have all led no where. How does one do that to themselves? To me, it is a mystery.

Anyway, the only weight loss process that has ever worked for me is to simply shrink my stomach. Doesn't that sound disgusting? "Shrink my stomach." Ew. 

But I'm telling you, it works.

And there's no need to kill yourself over that one piece of white rice you consumed!

All you have to do is just eat every two hours, therefore throwing yourself into a constant state of "fullness."

Do you hear that??

NO HUNGER!

You can eat whatever the heck you like, too!

I know...It's nuts.

But anyway, I think that's the best way to go because you will never have to say NO to a girlfriend when she asks if you want to go to brunch {and then be mad at her the whole rest of the day because she put the idea of pancakes in your head}, or only eat a fourth of that fabulous meal your husband made. 

Your body will be it's own authority on portion control, with little effort from you.

And then once you and that insatiable monster known as your stomach gets the hang of it, it's not completely necessary to eat every two hours, but in my opinion, I think it's a good idea.

See? Easy peasy, man!

Okay, I'm getting off my soap box.

This is just what works for me, and without it, I would never be able to eat those 18 boxes of Girl Scout cookies.

Yeah, that's right! We ordered 18 boxes, and I'm not ashamed whatsoever!

{Okay, maybe a little embarrassed, but that's it, damnit!}

So cheers to slimming down and not wanting to shoot yourself in the face!