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Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Hindsight: two kids in school is freakin' nuts!

You always hear about how nice and fun it will be when your babies are both off and away, living their little independent school lives like the champions they are. Brunch with your girlfriends on a Tuesday? Sure, why not?! Pedicure mid-Thursday afternoon? Yes! It really is nice! Not to say that we are officially "there" yet; Kota goes to preschool just two days per week and Carter does 5 half days of kindergarten, but hey, both kids are living lives separately, and all four of us are away from each other for at least a few hours per week.

What sounds to be completed unrelated... one time my cousin told me that with a large family, you always have to make sure everyone is "okay" at all times. Like the emotional state of everyone needs to be paid attention to. Are they happy? Is one sad? Is one feeling on top of the world? Is one feeling left out? What am I being told about this whole school thing? What am I not being told? She was basically saying that having two kids is just as weighty and wonderful as having more because the emotional state of each individual of the family is just as important whether you have a family of four or a family of ten! Wise freakin' words because it's damn true!

There is so much to think about! Are we getting places on time? -- LEAST OF THE WORRIES. Let me repeat: LEAST OF THE WORRIES. Is Kota getting along with her girlfriends? Am I jiving with the moms of Kota's buddies? Does Carter feel as great about everything as I'm guessing he does? Am I putting in as much effort with Kota's circle as I did and am with Carter's circle? Are there things happening that I don't know about? Do I even want to know these hypothetical "things I don't know about," based on this extreme level of "hearts outside of my body walking around out there in the world" protectiveness I feel?

I know that literally every mom in the world feels these same feeeeeeels. I totally know it's normal. It's like a good type of anxiousness - "I just want everything to be okay for everyone, got it?!" ... it's a reflection of how much one cares about the foundation of their child's whole entire life (...I'm sure I'll look back at that statement in a few years and be like "Nicole, it was kindergarten and preschool - there was no reason to worry! Everyone is fine"). And "worry" really is the wrong word for it, although I know Chad would totally tease me about being a direct descendant of Mother Paplia right now - the OG of worriers. It's just a high def com level of concern over the social well being of your babies, even though on the surface everything is 100% great, man!

So I guess when I titled this thought bubble "two kids in school is freakin' nuts," what I meant was:

"My emotional well being with having my two Lights of Life in school where they are to be working members of society can, at times, be too much for Mama to handle so I must write about it or else I will explode."

And by, "where they are to be working members of society," I also mean "where I too am to be a working member of this new, wild society of mothers that remind me 100% of my time spent on my sorority's exec board." So yes, many feels at the moment, now that I can throw the last few months of "multiple children in school" into the almighty hindsight lenses.

But hey! Really, everything IS great - I'm not just saying that! It's just crazy to think that this level of insanity I feel over their lives outside of our home is to be felt ...probably until they graduate high school. And then after that I'm sure my worry will transition to an even more insane level of anxiety (but let's not think of that right now, eh?).

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