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Tuesday, July 26, 2011

THAT should never be okay

Since I've been on this major pessimistic kick lately, my critical eye has noticed a few things that should just never be okay in public. I know, I know, something's wrong with me because I've turned into a maniac, venting monster instead of a lady-glowing-on-a-lilly-pad pregnant woman, but you know what? 
That's just the way the cookie crumbles!

Anyway, here's a few things that should just never be okay:

*Wearing parachute jean shorts and being a dad at the same time. I get it: at one time in your life you were a cool dude kickin' it with your buddies with your over-sized jean shorts, probably drinking a forty or something, but news flash: times have changed. You no longer get the option of drinking a forty on some seedy street corner, so change your wardrobe accordingly. I don't want to see your boxers, because you are a dad now. I don't want to see your studded belt below your behind, because you are a dad now. I don't want to see your poor wife/girlfriend looking at you in disgust, because you are a dad now. Please, do us all a favor, and switch up the wardrobe. Please.
{Thankfully my husband never had the lean-like-a-chollo sense of style, because that would have been a deal breaker. I just so happened to witness this style many a-time at the fair this weekend, and I was disturbed.}

That plus a child. Puke!

*Driving like a maniac because you are a teenager and the coolest thing on the face of the earth. I realize that at one point in my life I, too, drove like a moron, but now I deeply regret that. I'm sure there were millions of mothers who looked at my fire-engine-red-hot-Hyundai in disgust because I wouldn't let their mini van into oncoming traffic....I would actually bet my life on it. Now, I don't own a mini van, so there's actually no way that those suicidal drivers could possibly know I'm a mom who drives slow as molasses, which could only mean that they enjoy being psychos on the highways of America. Listen kids, the jig is up. Stop driving like maniacs. I'm sick of dodging your stubborn ways. Ay yi yi.

There they are, having a blast. Yuck.

*Going on a run in jeans. Yes, I actually witnessed this in my own neighborhood. Here's the thing: I can't really criticize that poor twosome for doing this, because at least they were breathing in the good air of the great outdoors and accelerating their heart rates, two things I haven't done in quite some time, but come on! Can you say sticky legs? Yuck! I felt bad for staring because they were so into it. Oh, well. Cheers to them for actually stepping out the front door with every intent to work out. But sheesh!

Walking around in a field with fellow Abercrombie and Fitch male models while wearing jeans? Okay. Working out in jeans? Not okay.

So there you have it. Random, but all true.

1 comment:

  1. Very funny and very true!! I'm right there with you on all of it!


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